I think about you all the time... Im not gonna lie you have definitely been on my mind lately. Everything I have done has been for myself and for someone to appreciate it like yourself. I know what I did was entirely wrong. I know we cant make up because of our past. I don't know if I want to make up... I just want to know that you are at least happy. You deserve the best in the world and only the best in the world. You made my world turn upside down for 2 years and that's all it took to realize you were the one..
And its not like I can go and re create my life. I just can't. I am not that man who just goes and screws around with other women. I want a solid relationship and what we had was as solid as gold. You were the one for me. And then my stupid thoughts and a another woman, a woman who turned out to just completely cut me out of her life for my best friend made me lose you. You wanna know the truth? That IS the truth.
Do I regret my decision. Absolutely not. Why am I saying this then? I don't know honestly. I feel like it just needs to come out somewhere. Its not like I have any friends I can really tell this to. They were all against you to begin with. Why? Because they were jealous of what we had. Turns out they won in the end. The decision that I made did not hurt me then, but deep inside it crawled through my body and decided to burn a hole in my heart, a hole you used to fill.
That decision is now the reason I have lost 85 pounds, the reason why I have never had sex with another woman (or kissed for that matter.) I don't like the way it feels, it doesn't feel the same. It never will.
I hope this somehow gets to you. somehow, someway. Whether it be through an email or a bottle floating in the ocean it is meant for you, just like you were meant for me.
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