Just another day.

First of all I hope everyone had a great day today.. 

Second of all I would like to share a story. A story that I have been wanting to share with someone but because I have no close friends to share it with I will share it to the public.

Today I hung out with a friend, a friend that I have known for 5 years now. We have talked and dated and have always been close but could never really find time to have a true "relationship." Well I wanted to make the move today and wanted to prove to her that we could be one of the best relationships people have ever seen.

Previously I have spilled my heart out to her, told her that she meant the world to me (she still does). Today I wanted to show her one of my favorite spots in Oconee County, a place where I came to love. I wanted to kiss her for the first time there. I wanted to stare into her eyes and really tell her how I felt. I wanted her to know that I want to be in a true relationship with her and that place was the perfect spot to do it.  To this day, when I die, I want to be buried there. It is absolutely amazing. 

So I asked her if she wanted to go, and she was saying yes all the way from the beginning of today when we went and watched Snow white and the Huntsman (great movie by the way). And so we were doing well and we made a few pit stops in between and when we got back to her house the dog barked and woke up the house. Now if it was just her mom then it would not have been bad. However she has a 2 year old brother and he woke up and started crying and her other brother was about to do the same. So it turns out we did not get to go to the pond after all. We said our good byes and went on my way.

As I started back on the road, I realized that if I would not have shown up, that dog would not have barked, which would not have waked the kids up, which means we could have went. But because I was their all of that happened, so I decided to go see the pond by myself. 

It took me about 30 minutes to get their and about 10 minutes walking into the place where it was. However when I got there, it was the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. The water so beautiful and their was so many animals drinking water, making noise and coming and going as please. It was one of the most touching moments I have ever had in my life.

After about 5 minutes I heard something rather large coming down the road. I did not know what it was but I did know their was train tracks near by. It turned out that the train ran right by the pond, and made no noise with it's horn due to all of the animals being out. I waved my hand towards him (because he was going rather slow) and in return he waved back. 

That train I believe was a symbol from someone (since I dont believe in God) to keep going. Keep living life like you can and even in the worse of times keep your head up and proud of who you are. I started crying at that moment. I knew that it was finally time to let go of the woman that stole my heart. I knew that it was finally time to make a change in my life.

After I finished up with the tears and recollected my self, I started heading back towards the car. It was pretty much pitch black so I tried to sing a song but that didnt help. So I tried to call her and tell her these things over the phone. She didnt answer, but responded with a text after. I am glad she did not pick up the phone. I do not think I could have talked to her then.

Finally I headed back home, It took me 40 minutes to get home and when I did I was pretty much back to normal. I walked into the door and saw my mom. She asked me how everything went and if I was okay (I did not tell her or anyone what the plan was). I responded with yes and that I was tired. She said something that I will never forget. She said "Andrew, you look like you have lost a vitamin or something in your body. You look a lot weaker, especially under your eyes." I just ignored it. I know that it is not something like a vitamin that I have lost. It is my heart that I have lost, it is all hope that I have lost. I lost the woman of my dreams tonight. I do not give up easily but 5 years has to be a limit. I know people say "if you love someone than the amount of time it takes is limitless." But I know that in reality I will never be able to be half of the man she wants me to be. I know I will never be able to do half of the things she wants me to do. I know that I will never be good enough. She stole my heart, and now I am heartless. And that will be the only way to be under my condition.

I have to keep living long, living strong, and being proud of who I am. I am a man, I just have no heart. I have a soul, and that is all I need to produce music. I just keep doing what I do, and keep rocking at how I do it. I have a favorite sandwich shop in Columbia called Beezers, and one of the quotes says,

"There are three things you should do and you should do them everyday. The first one is to laugh. Laughing cures the heart and relieves tension. It also makes you a happy person. The second is to think. You should spend a lot of time thinking. Thinking solves things about yourself that you do not plan to solve. And finally the last thing you should do is cry. Crying is our weaknesses coming out of ourselves. Crying is the result of laughing and thinking. It is what makes us human. If you can do those three things in one day. Your life is going to be different the next."

I have done all three of these things today. And I can definitely tell I am going to be different person tomorrow.