Hello everyone, or should I say good morning to most of you (for me it is 12 something in the morning...)
I would like to thank you guys for viewing my blog. It motivates me to keep inspiring new things to talk about and to try to be a more open person. I know a lot of you probably have never met me or know me, but I am usually very shy when I am confronted with people. This is my chance to get away from life.
Which brings me to my next topic. Which is this whole love thing that I keep telling you about. I know she hates me for telling you guys about our business but we have had our fights and now we barely talk. and she still thinks it is my fault for putting our business up here. She never understood that I really had nothing but this to go to.
But I have been thinking about her lately, even though I said that I am over with her and that I am finished, it is hard to keep me from thinking about her. I mean I know it will not work out. But I believe that is the way it was supposed to be. I want to be her friend I really do, and I still love her like a friend. I wish I could see us going further but it is hard to do. When I put my arms around her it just didn't feel like it was supposed to, it didn't feel right. Im not saying it is her fault, but I want it to feel right when I finally am affectionate with my body.
I believe that another reason it didn't feel right was because she never tried to pursue me as more than a friend. I know that sounds bad with me and yes I do admit that I pushed to much. But when you constantly pay for her meals and take her places you do except something in return.
I mean if I honestly want to be in a relationship I want them to show me as much love and as much passion as I show them. I want to be able to stare into their eyes and know that all they think about is me and their dreams and life and that they are able to counter balance between their lives and myself. Is that to hard to ask? I thought women were good at multitasking. (That is a joke)
But This is what is on my mind as I am up at 12:40 talking about nonsense as usual. I just would like a sense of direction as far as my relationship part of my life goes. I have lost 75 pounds, I am starting to wind down my weight loss journey, and I am ready to take on my relationship journey, I feel like it is time to shift gears.
Good night everyone, I will post some wonderful pictures of animals tomorrow morning :D
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